My So-Called Life

Wet For Went

from me clicking this link…and this one…

Friday, neighborgirl and I went to pick up Chef and on a scenic tour of Fells Point, we stopped at BOP for food.  We then headed to the bar to get some Trip-App ingredients (Apple Vodka, Apple Rum, Apple Pucker) and started drinking while watching Inside Man.  Then MCH called and I headed to DC, added some green to my green and got laid…and it was good.  Saturday morning I woke up, came home, grabbed a breakfast sandwich, checked my email and then slept for the rest of the day.  That night I actually had a date…sortof, lol.  We went to XS for sushi and drinks (I recommend the Dragon Roll, it was awesome).  Then we went to see The Departed (really good, go see it).  Sunday our threesome went to Fridays and then to Best Buy (where I spent too much but they had a 3 for $20 DVD sale and a lot of movies I don’t have were $10 and I can’t resist ANYTHING that costs $10) and then I dropped them off and continued on to my parents house to see my niece and my mom and to watch more Greys Anatomy episodes with my brother so he can finally give me my Season 2 back.  Chef passed the test.  He is cool.  Yesterday I just slept til the afternoon and waited for Monday night football.  The Ravens are 4-1 thanks to the Broncos, actually no, it was thanks to our own fucking team and Steve McNair with his interception throwing ass but it’s cool.  I’m not mad or anything.  *sigh*

Sometime between when I went to bed drunk last night and right now John Mayer added me to his friend list on MySpace.  My life now has meaning.  Thank you John.  Thank you.

Oh what a feeling!  I love you guys too!

OK having spent all of my time since Saturday almost exclusively with this CD (I took a break last night to watch Prison Break and Vanished but that’s it.  I forgot to watch Heroes but I’ll catch it on SciFi.), I have picked a favorite song.  Actually, I had this song picked out the first day but I had to play all of the other ones to death to be absolutely sure.  This song is the sexiest break-up song ever created in the history of mankind.  This song is ridiculously great.  Slow Dancing in a Burning Room is my favorite cut on Continuum and I can’t stop playing it.  Spectacularly accurate in its depiction of a rocky relationship coming to an end, for real this time.  I know it’s supposed to be all sad and stuff but it’s just too awesome musically to actually think about anything else but singing it, trying to harmonize with John and playing air guitar.  I actually want to slow dance to this song and I do not slow dance.  It goes from sweet to harsh and back again.  It’s painful, true and brilliant.  John, seriously, marry me.  Seriously.

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room (You can listen to it HERE)

It’s not a silly little moment
It’s not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love we’ve been working on

Can’t seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms
Nobody’s gonna come and save you
We pulled too many false alarms

We’re going down
And you can see it too
We’re going down
And you know that we’re doomed
My dear, we’re slow dancing in a burning room

I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
How dare you say it’s nothing to me
Baby, you’re the only light I ever saw

I’ll make the most of all the sadness
You’ll be a bitch because you can
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can’t understand

We’re going down
And you can see it too
We’re going down
And you know that we’re doomed
My dear, we’re slow dancing in a burning room

Go cry about it, why don’t you?
My dear, we’re slow dancing in a burning room

Don’t you think we oughta know by now?
Don’t you think we shoulda learned somehow?

When was the last time I did one of these?  The funny thing is that I have actually been doing things on the weekend and then I haven’t been posting anything.  OK so the weekend that just passed, let’s see…Thursday night we went to Kolpers for their fabulous wings and ladies night $3 tropical drinks (eventhough I always end up with at least 1 Long Island) and this time they had a DJ.  I haven’t danced that much in years.  We had a ball neighborgirl and I, and I gave my phone number to someone I don’t even remember and knowing me, I won’t ever answer when they call anyway.  My mom had surgery last week so I went over there on Friday with movies and we ordered pizza.  She’s home all day everyday so she needs some entertainment.  I even let her hold some DVDs (I know that’s against my religion but I made an exception).  Saturday I slept late, woke up in the afternoon and took a bath, opened the plastic on Continuum, got back in bed and pressed play and that’s how I spent the rest of the day; Listening to that CD on repeat.  Sunday I got up early, took a bath, stopped at XS for a breakfast sandwich to go and headed to The Charles to see Half Nelson and to finally see Little Miss Sunshine.  I liked them both.  I timed it so I would get out of the movies in time for the game and instead of watching it at home I decided to go watch it on the Widescreen LCD in high def over at the parents’ (after I went home to get my Ray Lewis jersey of course).  When I got there, they weren’t there but my brother and niece were so I stayed and watched it there (15-14 Ravens in case you didn’t know…we won).  My mom finally walked in at the end of the game and we watched a couple of eps of Grey’s Anatomy (she’s catching up) and then I went home.  Last weekend, I went to my High School Reunion.  I did not go entirely voluntarily.  I ran into a classmate that was going and she (and my mother and the only other person from high school I keep in touch with) basically talked me into it.  I had a pretty good time.  The food was good, the drinks were FREE (that’s right free so guess how many I had) and the people were civil.  People who were skinny in high school got fat, people who were fat in high school got skinny, and everything in between.  Pregnant people, married people, divorced people, people with a million kids, some people brought their men but most did not.  It did remind me of a time in my life when I had no bills to pay and I was basically carefree in every way except emotionally.  Imagine mixing my normal intensity with raging hormones and teenage naivete.  Not a good mix but it’s all good.  I survived like I always do.  I can’t think of anything else I’ve done recently.  Fall has fell and it’s almost time for Homecoming and The Color Purple in NYC and Halloween, apple cider, evergreen trees, spiked eggnog, Holiday parties, New Years.  My favorite time of year.  I’m excited, as always, about my favorite 3 months and then hopefully the snow storm will come; we need a big one!  2 feet!  And hopefully my fridge will be stocked.  That reminds me, I need to go to the market and buy some food for the first time in probably 4-5 months.  If there was an award for eating out, I would win it.  OK now I’m rambling.  The End.

OK I didn’t comment last week.  Eventhough we won it was looking kind of ugly.  This week…It looked really ugly.  In the beginning it was looking…OK.  We got that field goal, we got on the board and all was well.  Then I don’t know what happened.  The D fell off, The O made me hang my head in shame.  I shouted at the screen until I got a headache.  14-3 THIS IS BULLSHIT!  Cleveland was killing us and as the announcer said, we’re not a come from behind team.  We need to be in front and stay in front.  Maintain a lead that makes us comfortable.  I admit, I didn’t think we could do it but then, AS SOON AS I PRAYED FOR ONE, (Have the Ravens turned me into a Christian?) we got that interception I knew we needed to turn things around.  McAlister, I love you man.  Seriously.  I lost my shit when you got that ball b/c I saw hope…and with a tear in my eye and renewed faith, my headache waned and I came out of my "shit we’re gonna lose" funk.  You did it man.  You made me believe.  After that, in the words of Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own, I decided and said out loud "We’re gonna win."  And win we did.  It was ugly.  It was ugly as hell.  Cleveland played the better game, but Matt Stover and his magic foot (I love you too man) came out and did it for us.  This reminds me ominously of the year that his foot won almost every damn game for us…but then, we did go to the Superbowl that year so I won’t complain.  You did it Ravens.  My Ravens, turned an ugly game, a game where they were behind and weren’t doing anything with their drives, a game where the Cleveland D was not fuckin playin, a game where Frye was fucking connecting on passes he was throwing AS HE WAS FUCKING SACKED (I give props to him for that but he was pissing me the hell off with that shit), into a win.  YOU WON BABY!  That’s right 15-14 Ravens.  3-0 bitches.  How you like me now?

It’s rare that I buy music anymore.  There’s just not that much out there that I want enough to actually buy the entire album.  I admit it; I’m a pirate.  I will download a torrent of a single in a heartbeat.  Do I want the whole album?  Hell no.  So I look for the song.  The hit song with the beat that will not quit that makes me dance in my chair wherever I am and that I can’t resist hitting the dancefloor for when I go out, eventhough I hardly ever dance anymore.  The one I will play to death for weeks and then abandon.   So when I buy a CD, it is usually a HUGE deal.  I was embarassed to find out that John Mayers’ new CD came out and that I did not have it that very same day, sure I bought it 2 days later but that was not good enough, not for John.  What’s worse is that due to my lack of not having a life lately (gotta love that double negative) I am just getting around to listening to the CD.  You see, not only must one actually purchase a John Mayer CD but the only way to listen to one is to open the blinds and let the sunlight (or moonlight) in, turn off your phones, ignore the door, turn off the TV, do NOT try surfing while listening, strip down, get in bed under your covers, hit play and FEEL.  Try not to cry when he says something that hits really close to home, oh fuck it, just go ahead and cry.  Get it out and feel it.  This process, this listening that makes me feel, this complete attention I must pay to every word, every bar, every background harmonizing "mini-Mayer" as I like to think of his vocals being laid on top of each other, the way the music stops and starts again, the instruments (the instruments are as important as the lyrics and the vocals, it all comes together and is all a part of the whole, you can’t take them apart or change anything or it would not be the same song)…All of this, is why I love John Mayer and totally do not understand when someone says he sucks.  That shit is a personal insult to me.  That’s like telling me Kurt Cobain sucks…I might cut you.  He’s like Kurt to me but all bluesy, de-grunged and saner and comparing someone to Kurt is another HUGE deal b/c I LOVE Kurt.  But this is not about Kurt, it’s about John and dammit, I LOVE JOHN MAYER.  I’ve been listening to this CD all day.  John Mayer is the only person I have seen perform live in the last few years (at a concert I had to pay for) and I had one of the best times of my life.  I went alone, stood for almost the entire concert with my eyes closed swaying like a high ass hippie, holding my heart and smiling until my face hurt wishing I was close enough to reach out and touch him.  I love love love him with a passion usually reserved for spectacular looking actors who I will never meet.  I just can’t say it enough.  His music is about the only thing in my life that actually makes me miss being in love and that is saying something since I decided that feelings are way too messy and that sex without them is much easier for everyone involved.  I turn down dates, I dont give out my number, I lock myself in my apartment and live in my imagination and the imagination of others, I sex up a stranger every now and again or maybe my on again off again sort-of-but-only-when-we-get-around-to-it lover or I just have a litle fun with myself and it gets me through.  I don’t wake up missing anyone, I don’t pine for anyone all day, I don’t have fantasies that involve children, houses, marriage, or any of the other quaint notions that used to appeal to me.  I don’t really consider love at all and for the most part I don’t miss it.  I’m not a lonely person.  I have my friends, my family, my cat, my DVD addiction, my 5 million TV stations, my liquor, my bars, my DSL, my low maintenance job, my car, my movie theater visits, my shopping sprees, my semi-spirituality, my extreme cynicism and distrust of people…my parents…

From Stop This Train on John Mayers’ Continuum album

"Don’t know how else to say it
I don’t want to see my parents go
One generation’s length away
From fighting life on my own"

That lyric made me cry.  If there is one real fear I have that I think about a lot lately it’s living life without my parents in it.  My eyes just filled with tears again as I just typed that and now they are falling down my face.  I remember when all I wanted was for my parents to go away and it wasn’t that long ago and now I must visit multiple times a week and just want them around forever.  I don’t even think they know how much they mean to me b/c things like that are hard for me to say.  Another line from that same song:

"So scared of getting older
I’m only good at being young"

I couldn’t have said it better myself.  What the fuck am I going to do with being old?  What will happen to the reckless rebel that I cling to for dear life?  I hate that I’m more cautious than I used to be.  I hate that I don’t always just go do what I feel like and that sometimes I actually think first.  I hate responsibility.  I hate obligation.  I’m still a teenager in my mind but time is trying to beat it out of me.

John Mayers albums’ can always be played all the way through and should be put on repeat ALL while you clean the house, stare at the ceiling, take a bath, sleep…No one writes words that make me feel things like he does.  In fact the only thing he has ever done WRONG is skip the track number 13 on his Room For Squares CD which implies a slight bit of unfair superstition against my favorite number 13 but I forgive him.  Otherwise, I think he’s awesome.  I love him for Why Georgia, 3×5, City Love, Neon, St. Patricks Day on Room For Squares, Something’s Missing, Clarity, Come Back to Bed, Split Screen Sadness and Wheel on Heavier Things and I’m loving Continuum (especially I Don’t Trust Myself With Loving You, Gravity, Heart of Life, Slow Dancing in a Burning Room, Stop This Train, Dreaming With a Broken Heart).  My freaking CAT loves Continuum.  It’s just one more way he’s proving how great he is to me and the world.  May he never stop making music.

Yes friends, it’s that time again.  It’s time for Football.  Now admittedly I am not a football fan.  I am not even a sports fan.  I have a team specific obsession and I guess you can only call it the Hometown Team Love Syndrome (HTLS).  The first time I experienced HTLS was during the season that led to our Superbowl victory in 2001.  It was a great year.  My ex, at long last, after trying since high school, had finally gotten me to understand Football or maybe it’s just that I was finally paying attention.  Week after week I watched with eager anticipation and got more and more into it and it was the greatest payoff ever to finally get into something and then take it ALL THE WAY and win.  Ever since, football only means The Ravens to me.  Other teams play and I can’t stay interested.  The Ravens play and I can’t take my eyes off of them.  I have been saying for years that we need a REAL Quarterback.  Even Superbowl year that fucker just got lucky.  This year we’ve got him and you could see it in every play that Steve McNair is just that good.  Ray Lewis is back in tip top shape and tackling the SHIT out of people again.  McAlister and Ngata looked great on those interceptions.  McAlister?  TOUCHDOWN!  Jamal Lewis?  TOUCHDOWN!  Wilcox?  TOUCHDOWN!  The sacks…the beautiful sacks.  Not many penalties, no interceptions, no missed field goals, GREAT FUCKING GAME BOYS!  I think I lost my voice shouting at the TV alone in my apt.  I found my Ray Lewis jersey that has been missing since 2000 and my Superbowl 35 t-shirt yesterday at my parents’ house.  A good omen I thought.  This year, we’re going to win the Superbowl, again.  If this first game is any indication, my prediction is correct.  Everyone is looking great and that awesome game I just finished watching is the reason I love The Ravens.  27-zip bitches.  THE RAVENS WILL KICK YOUR ASS!